I particularly liked, "their inscriptions fading as the darkness rolled over them like fog on a river," and "He called out to Mary, but the word was swallowed by the dark before it left his throat," and "She smelled of apples and baked bread; she smelled of life."
Good luck with the editing! I'm in the throes of that right now myself.
There's some nice phrasing in here, James.
I particularly liked, "their inscriptions fading as the darkness rolled over them like fog on a river," and "He called out to Mary, but the word was swallowed by the dark before it left his throat," and "She smelled of apples and baked bread; she smelled of life."
Good luck with the editing! I'm in the throes of that right now myself.
Thanks very much, Angie. Good luck to you too.